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ContentToJustBe
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Name: Dennyy
Birthday: 10/9/1992
Gender: Female
Interests: Dragonboating, Gymnastics, (Dangerous stuff), Movies, Drawing, Reading, Homework, Shopping, Music, Photography.
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/9/2008
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| Yup, it's that time of year again. Everyone's stressing about finals. The Announcer comes out, and immediately everyone is looking at them at school. Schedules are drawn up, and students lament or rejoice at possible schedules.
Needless to say, I've gone along with this whole end-of-the-semester craziness.
'Most Likely' Schedule (Legal; mods 1-17)
1/2(3): AP Chinese - Chang
(3)4/5: AP Economics - Johnson
6/7(8): AP Calculus AB - Warshaw
(8)9/10: Munchy time
11/12/13: Scribbly time
14/15: American Democracy - Fisher/Raznikov
16/17: European Literature - Moffitt
18/19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 18, 19, 20
'Always the Same' Schedule (Legal; mods 1-17)
1/2(3): AP Chinese - Chang
(3)4/5: AP Economics -Johnson
6/7(8): AP Calculus AB - Warshaw
9/10: European Literature - Moffitt
11/12/13: Munchy time
14/15: Scribbly time**
16/17: American Democracy - Raznikov
18/19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, 20
'Awesome Teacher' Schedule [which I will probably never get] (Legal; mods 1-(18))
1/2(3): AP Chinese - Chang
(3)4/5: Yummy time*
6/7(8): AP Economics - Spellicy
9/10: European Literature - Moffitt
11/12: American Democracy - Spellicy
13/14/15: Munchy time**
16/17(18): AP Calculus AB - Chan
(18)19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 3 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 4, 5, 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 13, 14, 15, 18 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 19, 20
'Only Slightly Illegal' Schedule (Illegal; mods (3)-17)
1/2(3): Sleepy time*
(3)4/5: AP Economics - Johnson
6/7(8): AP Calculus AB - Warshaw
(8)9/10: Munchy time
11/12(13): AP Chinese - Chang
14/15: American Democracy - Fisher
16/17: European Literature - Moffitt
18/19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 3 (Mondays, Wednesdays), 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 9, 10, 13 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 18, 19, 20
'Super Illegal' Schedule (Illegal; mods (3)-15)
1/2(3): Sleepy time*
(3)4/5: AP Economics - Johnson
6/7(8): AP Calculus AB - Warshaw
9/10: European Literature - Moffitt
11/12(13): AP Chinese - Chang
14/15: American Democracy - Fisher/Raznikov
16/17/18: Random time
19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 3 (Mondays, Wednesdays), 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 13 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 16, 17, 18, 19, 20
'Illegal Afternoons Off' Schedule (Illegal; mods 1-12)
1/2(3): AP Chinese - Chang
(3)4/5: AP Economics - Johnson
6/7(8): AP Calculus AB - Warshaw
9/10: European Literature - Moffitt
11/12: American Democracy - Spellicy
13/14/15: Munchy time/Job time**
16/17/18: Scribbly time/Job time
19/20: Sporty time/Job time
Free Mods: 8 (Tuesdays, Thursdays), 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20
*Can possibly keep Physiology - Newhouse
**Can possibly keep Physiology - Laureyns
I'll probably drop Physiology (because it's a dumb-shit class), but it can't hurt to plan for the possibility I guess. | | |
| Hopefully I can stick to these...
1. Be more giving/less selfish.
2. Be more outgoing
3. Save some money
4. Exercise more
5. Study more - this one will only apply to F'10 rofl. Senioritis ftw!
6. Eat less junk food (edit: already failed this.)
7. Eat on a set schedule - no more snacking 24/7 (edit: already failed this too >.<)
8. Be more responsible
9. Stop procrastinating on every single thing on the planet
10. Sleep on a semi-regular schedule
(edit)11. Avoid pressing the 'snooze' button on my phone like 10 gazillion times. | | |
| Yesterday, I went to work. Worked four hours. I chickened out of asking my supervisors for DB donations. I just don't feel like I know the library people well enough yet. Saw that the bus was going to take 10 more minutes to arrive, so I walked over to the McDonald's across the street to get a McChicken. Horrible, I know. It tasted good, but the guilt that came from eating it was bad. Got on the bus, after multiple delays by the bus. Waited 10 whole minutes at the 19th & Winston intersection. I can't wait for the holiday season shoppers to leave. They make traffic around here so horrible. I went home, did nothing for the rest of the day. My estranged auntie came to visit. Found out a lot about her. I actually couldn't recognize her at first sight. Neither could the little brother. She was amazed at how big we've gotten. I don't even remember the last time I've seen her. She didn't have presents for any of us. Not me, not my brother, not my parents; she had cards for my grandmother though. She received presents from the rest of the extended family; delivery service courtesy of my parents. She talked about traveling; I listened on in envy. She asked about what grade my brother and I were in; we answered. She left, then I went back on the computer. Saw that the boyfriend was back. Initially I was very happy, but the high soon left me. Disappointment ensues. We talk on the phone for a bit, then he abruptly leaves. I go to bed, cold and angry(ish).
I wake up at various points in the morning, mostly in coughing fits. Somehow my cold had gotten worse over the night, but when I actually got up, I was fine. I found out that I couldn't hold anger for very long. Went on the computer for a bit. Heard my grandmother's annoying voice speaking. I wonder who's downstairs; I find out that my mom has a day off. I ask her a ride to ITB, she obliges. I go to ITB and turn in my timesheet. I had a nice surprise waiting for me: my paycheck. I was elated. Asked my mom to drive me to the bank; I deposited my check. Almost have 200 dollars in the bank again. Went to Walgreens for a bit, dodging the people looking for donations on the sidewalk. I dread when I have to do the same thing. Went to Ross afterward, bought a nice jacket and a belt. Felt happy with the day. I get home, I start feeling depressed again. Dad was home, he asked me if I still needed sticky notes and when I needed them by. I tried explaining my school schedule and when I needed them; ended up telling him to "just buy them today." Went on the computer again for a bit. Everything was boring. Read some crappy fanfictions. Looked for manga. Worked a little bit on my white scarf. Hands got tired, so I stopped. Talked on AIM a little bit to the boyfriend, but he's busy. Studied some chinese vocab words, figured out what our final project's supposed to be. Gave up on studying for Chinese, decided to work on English essay. Wrote a decent(ish) thesis, came up with body paragraph subjects. Found some quotes. Gave up on work again. Blogged. And here we are now. | | |
| So yeah, I'm bored right now. Probably because the boyfriend's on his trip. No one to talk to. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be a total social recluse, actually. Today was pretty tiring actually. You can only work at the library so long without becoming sick at the sight of books. Too much crouching and reaching up in order to shelve those books. But at least I have a job. And for that, I am grateful. I wish mid-January would come faster so I could either resume my tutoring job, or so my first MYEEP paycheck would come in. I really need some cash, pronto! Next week is D's big 18th birthday bash, so I'm going to need money for karaoke and Olive Garden, as well as her gift. Ugh. I only have like 60 bucks left in my debit account; I hope mom will get around to giving me my allowance promptly this month (okay, I sound a bit spoiled here...). But really, if I can't go to D's birthday thing, I'll be devastated.
Yesterday at the cousin's house was actually pretty fun. Christmas started out pretty depressing (on my part), though. I hate how my parents don't get into the spirit of things AT ALL. They don't even put thought into the gifts they give my cousins. I mean, money is nice, but that's even less thoughtful than a gift card! In fact, I believe they see the season as a chance to eat more (my dad), or as a chore to be gotten over with (my mom). I still feel a bit alienated from my cousins. It's amazing how close we were when we were little. Now we've grown so different from each other. I don't even know them anymore. No more sleepovers during school holidays. No more weekly dinners with the grandparents. No more gaming together. No more common interests. Everything's so different now. I miss my childhood. I mean, we can find some common ground in things like music or whatever, but even that, we're not even similar. They're so whitewashed, it's scary (and for me to call someone whitewashed is certainly something). J has an electric guitar now, while the little brother is learning to play an acoustic guitar, so those two bonded over that. I certainly feel more like an adult now, talking with all the other adult women at the party. My Auntie got into SO much trouble when she was younger. I didn't even do HALF the things she got away with it. But if I had been her sister at that time, I definitely never would have been bored. I mean, there was nothing else to do but to talk to them or to play/watch video games. You can only watch two 9-year olds play Madden for so long. It's only funny for a little while, and they're cute for even less than that amount of time. 9-year olds are so annoying; they're at that age where they believe they know everything and think that they're the boss. Or maybe that's just how the new generation of kids are growing up. I certainly hope that's not the case.
Christmas presents, for the most part, were very mediocre (doesn't make me appreciate them any less, just saying). From the boyfriend, I got a webcam (definitely the highlight of my presents this year), a calligraphy pen (something I've wanted for a while but never had been able to justify the purchase of), and a rose (plus some other things...). From the best friend and DV, I got a backpack for my belated birthday present (the backpack comes pretty close to being the best present; I've needed one forever, and this one is so pretty!). As a Christmas present from the best friend, I got a clicky lead pencil (another one of those things I've wanted but never bought). That made me really happy (although I was already expecting that as a present; she isn't very discreet about asking about hints/tips/specifications on what to get me). I got Christmas cards from AT, DV, and the best friend as well. From AS (my secret santa from DB), I got VS Pink Lotion and a necklace from H&M. From my parents, I got 25 bucks. From my Auntie L, I got a v-neck short-sleeved shirt and some warm fuzzy slippers (much appreciated!). From my Auntie R, I got two v-neck short-sleeved shirts (a bit big). I wish they would get me WINTER clothing, seeing how it's WINTER right now. Honestly, this is one of the biggest reasons I hate winter; I never have weather-appropriate clothing. For Christmas, I bought myself some earphones. They weren't bad. I bought the same ones for the little brother; he was really happy, since his last pair was really suck-ish.
Ugh. I still need to go raise money for DB's paddle-a-thon too! I still only have 12 bucks! It's so pathetic. I honestly should have tried harder to raise money, but it was hard when my spirits were already crushed by constant whisperings of other peoples' earnings. It doesn't help when almost everyone worth asking has been asked within the first day, either. So obviously, I was disheartened from the start. So, sometime this weekend, I may be going out to beg for money in front of (or around) Stonestown. I was originally going to go today after work, but after I dropped off my work stuff at home, it started raining really hard. And that made me not want to go outside again. And I figured, no one would want to go outside either. And if I tried to go inside to ask around for donations, I might get kicked out for soliciting. I need fundraising money, prontooooo!
While the boyfriend's been gone, I've pretty much been doing a bunch of random things. Thursday, I went out with the best friend to go dress shopping at Ross. She bought a dress, we camera whored in the dressing room. I didn't buy a dress; didn't see anything I particularly liked, and I already have a prom dress (for the prom that's still like 5 months away or something). After that, we ate pho in Chinatown, and we got gelato at Tuttimelon for dessert. That night, I had a very interesting chat on AIM with some good friends. Friday was Christmas, obviously. Let's see...Thursday, I think I also started another sewing project (which had been sitting on my shelf, unopened, for about 4 years...ever since the Presidio days). I also got farther along on re-doing my black scarf. Still not even close to finished yet. Friday, I started playing Rhythm Heaven again. Good stuff, that game. It's a little quirky thing. I would do more CGI drawings, but I don't feel any particular urge to draw anything. If I tried to draw, I wouldn't like what I'd come out with anyways.
Before the boyfriend left, we saw Avatar. Very, very, very pretty movie. The computer graphics are amazing. Definite visual feast there. I had a bit of a headache at the end though, thanks to IMAX + 3D. Plotline was so-so. Good movie though, definitely worth watching it. Lots of action, especially at the end.
My voice is finally starting to actually come back! The cough is almost gone too, thank goodness. I hate being sick so much. Luckily, I think my voice'll come back before karaoke next week :)
I miss him! 2 days until he's back! | | |
| I can't help but think that I'm living in a dream. Or perhaps, a very happy (but not very fantastical) trip. Life is never perfect, I feel like this is pretty damn close. Here I am, a high school senior, with minimal homework, my many lunches, and the perfect boyfriend. I never thought I could be this happy; I always thought my life was going to be a nondescript story that no one would be interested in living in.
I can't help but feel that the dream is too good to be true; that the alarm clock will go off and the dream will end suddenly and unpleasantly. I felt like it was impossible that any guy would like me. I'm too flawed, with too many traits that would annoy anyone, including myself. I'm insecure: resulting from many years of skin problems, peer judgement, and drama. I'm cynical: resulting from my parents' view of the world and their outspokenness about these views. I'm bitchy: I never cease to complain about anything around me. I'm mercurial: I can change moods at the drop of a hat. I'm socially awkward: I never know what to do around those I'm not very familiar with. I'm not much of a conversationalist, either. I never know what to say. I'm very possessive. I've never had very much in life as a child, so now when I get the things I desire, I cling to it like no tomorrow. The possessiveness could possibly also result from my insecurity. Anyone who tolerates me is a godsend, really.
If I'm dreaming, never wake me up. Let me fall into this luscious coma. Not only would the harsh reality of life set in, but I would forget the heaven that was my dream. Like with all my dreams, I would forget this lovely manifestation of my mind. I really wouldn't want to forget this or what I feel for him. | | |
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